I often get very sad when thinking about all the people who seem to form vapid relationships just for the sake of feeling secure socially. I’ll never understand people who can still consider someone a friend despite knowing only the shallowest of details about them.
I’m an ESTJ (though quite borderline on the E and J), myself, but I can very much relate to this.
Sometimes human males have these nice faces and it’s so stressful.
At every stage of life, we desire to be noticed and affirmed by others. Infants are born craving affection as much as milk. Children playing do not require the active involvement of nearby adults, but if you try to leave they demand that you watch them play. Adolescents, in their perpetual anxiety to be popular, do not so much look at others through their own eyes as look constantly at themselves through others’ eyes. Those who are dying worry about being remembered after death, though when dead, how can they care if they’re forgotten? As adults, our successes give us little pleasure unless sweetened by others’ admiration. If we dress up, there must be others to see us or our work seems wasted — no one wears a tuxedo at home. A marvelous gardener once told me (speaking for human nature) that he takes more delight in a single garden visitor’s compliment than in all the shrubs and flowers he has ever planted. What is this craving for another’s eye to rest upon us?
Upon reflection, a desire for recognition seems irrational. Since we live in our own minds, why should we care what thoughts are in the minds of others? Is this not like a Canadian fretting about the weather in Mexico? How to explain this need for notice is debatable. Are we so doubtful of our worth that others must attest to it? Conversely, are we so certain of our worth that others must bow down to it?"On Being Nothing – beautiful read by NYT’s Brian Jay Stanley on our constant subconscious need to be validated by others (via gigasunlove)
(Source: , via gigasunlove)
I am neither particularly attracted nor particularly repelled by muscles.
I say this because, among the population (lol stats changing my lingo) of all males I have ever been physically attracted to, the guys run the gamut from minimal muscle build to significant muscle build.
On the Friday before Hoedown, though, I had an experience that made me reconsider the merit of muscles.
I was jumping and heel clicking around Gregory plaza, when some tall white guy (the fact that he is white is significant, okay) walking through stops to ask us what we’re doing.
We told him we were gonna be doing two-step, and briefly explained Hoedown. He seemed interested, and then asked me if I knew how to two-step. I said something along the lines of “Yeah..!,” a mixture of enthusiasm and uncertainty.
Then we started to two-step, and it was interesting. I didn’t really catch on until fairly late that his style was to step off to the side, instead of all going forward, so that threw me off. It was also a much faster pace. Definitely a new following experience.
After that, we did some tricks that I’ve never done before, like that thing where the girl swings on both sides, and some flips and dips. Throughout it all, I was a little confused, and probably seemed apprehensive, but mostly because I just wanted to know the mechanics of everything before I did it. There must have been some perceived apprehension because he kept assuring me that he could bench 200 or some other kind of large number that doesn’t really have any meaning to me because I just am not familiar with working out. At one point he asked if I trusted him, and I was like, “I trust you.” Kristine was like “OHOHOHOHO!” about this but I was just stating facts. In any case, it was super super exciting to be flipped around and yet feel safe at the same time. I miss the elementary years of flipping around on the playground, or in the gym for the short time I was in gymnastics.
The reason this is relevant is because this guy, as evidenced by the bench press comment, was quite the muscular fellow. Dips and tricks have been offered before by other people (though not that much because I don’t know why), like at Slosh or something, but I have never really accepted. This is because, real talk, the Asian dancing community is, for the most part, a pretty slim bunch. If not slim, then normal-ish at most. Sure, there are Asians who work out to get swole, but that population does not overlap very much with the dancing community. And honestly speaking, it’s a lot harder to entrust my body weight with someone of seemingly average strength. The point is, the main reason why I trusted this guy was because he physically appeared like he would be able to flip me without a concussion waiting around the corner. He did also seem like he generally knew what he was doing, though, because he went at a pretty quick clip.
Obviously someone could be muscly and not know how to dance or perform nifty tricks, in which case I might still end up on the floor. And people of average strength can also do these things, since a lot of them rely more heavily on momentum and stuff than just sheer strength.
Beyond dancing though, there is a sense of safety that larger muscles afford. Feeling protected and all those shenanigans.
In any case, though I now personally feel there is more merit to the physical trait of being muscular, it still isn’t a deal-maker or anything close to that. Now it’s just something that is potentially more physically attractive, with more practical advantage than I might have thought otherwise.
What do you do when someone that you always thought you’d be really good friends with just doesn’t click with you? When this someone is friends with most of your other friends, but always seems to annoy you?
What do you do when his/her defining mannerisms, the little quirks, what makes him/her unique, are what drive you away the most?
I feel like over this past year, I lost a lot of my tolerance for weird people. I mean, I’m definitely still pretty weird, myself, no doubt about that. Like, really weird. I definitely have many quirks of my own. But… I don’t know. Maybe I’m so used to my personal flavor of weird that any other kinds of weird are too out of my comfort zone for me.
I mean, I would take all of this with a grain of salt, if I were you. “Weird” is a very arbitrarily defined word, and I would rather not delve into my mind to see exactly how it is defined through my personal frame of reference.
What I do not need is for people to get up in my grill, asking dumb things like, “OMG!! DOES THIS MEAN YOU HATE ME NOW?!”
Chances are, if our relationship is such that you feel comfortable asking me that, I don’t hate you. Actually, I don’t think I hate anyone right now. Yes, there are people I would rather not talk to more than I have to, but that doesn’t mean I hate them.
Hmm, this is interesting.
I really dislike it when people whine about being forever alone.
Why? Because most people do not really end up forever alone.
If we want to talk within the scope of what God has in store for each and every one of us, then, quite frankly, I believe that a lifetime of singleness is something that God has called a minority to. And when he does, it is not without some great purpose, for example, they would not be able to love on others with nearly as much time as they do if they were married. Also, if you are walking with Christ, then you’re obviously not alone, because God has always got your back, and is always by your side.
If we are talking in purely secular terms, let’s be real. There are a lot of people in relationships. Even people that are less than ideal… No, especially people that are less than ideal, since nobody is ideal. But really, if you think you’re forever alone because you’re ugly/fat/shy/dumb/other negative, shallow attribute, well, I have news for you- there are tons of ugly/fat/shy/dumb/otherwise unattractive people out there who are in stable relationships, even marriages. And before you think that you’ll only ever get similarly unattractive people, that isn’t necessarily true, either. I’m sure many of us have passed by a couple and done a double take, and thought to ourselves, “Wow, how did he/she get her/him?!” This might be rude, but I think it’s something that most people can understand what I’m talking about.
Let’s be clear that I’m not calling anybody ugly/fat/dumb- I’m just saying that if you think you’re forever alone because you think that you are something along those lines, then you are mistaken. The purpose of this post is not to reverse any negative things you may feel about yourself.
Of course, there’s always the whole “beauty is in the eye of the beholder” perspective, which I think holds a lot of truth in it.
I know that a lot of people are just kidding when they whine about such things. But there are people who really believe that they are forever alone, and those people need to put things into perspective.